If you are struggling with confusion, doubt, and pain then you need to listen to this for a possible explanation.
https://youtu.be/85SGL6dWmvw?si=MkU2a_MAnxcE25Wb
Also, this meditation may help you achieve a higher frequency, as it did for me.
https://youtu.be/WFh1W9DvoeY?si=zoN0_tC2DpmSI3CN
I hope this helps you as much as it helped me