Look and learn from your successes. Have you tried Kratom to help with the side effects to withdrawal and then tapper those? It’s a whole body challenge but you CAN do it! Ask yourself and remind yourself (even with writing it down/posting it) what is your motivation(s) and also find healthy replacement rewards for those moments you tend to reward yourself with the drugs. Sounds like you have been through treatment programs so you have a foundation and tools now use them and reach out to someone trusted even go to AA if NA is too tempting. There is hope and YOU can do it and get on the other side