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If you want to experience joy, peace, love and all positive, feed your spirit/soul with divine words (The Bible). See what happens. 

But not in a mental and intellectual only way, but just let your spirit bask in those words.

For what is worth, Rabbi AA and Jason in his books, talks about this reality too. The Divine Words are food for your inner man. It needs them to thrive. Jason says there are other books as well with this capacity, being divinely imbued. We need them!

Milan Jus I speak a number of languages too, and English is not my native. No other intent but wanting to figure out what is being said. I see AIs are pretty good at translating these days, so that's why I said about writing in native language. You could also write in your native and have AI translate it for you and see how it works. In fact, that was my first thought to ask, but didn't know how familiar you were with those. E.g.

https://duckduckgo.com/?va=h&t=hv&q=translate&ia=webhttps://chat.openai.com/

...

Milan Jus I was target of Black Magic with the clear intent to be eliminated physically (killed). The guy was boasting he took out whomever he wanted before, so he was rather confident it will work in my case too. So, I may have a little bit of taste of what you are talking about...

I will say what worked in my case. It is very simple, although it does involve serious spiritual struggle to stand in faith and believe that Jesus indeed is most powerful, higher than any other power of evil in the whole Universe. I just called on Jesus for help. Jesus, Jesus, Jesus! But even that was difficult, it was a serious struggle to not give in to fear and to not doubt the power of Jesus over that evil. No magic formula, no rituals, no paying to shameless mediums, just simple crying out to Jesus for help. That worked for me. I am still alive decades later, the guy unfortunately died himself of a heart attack. I have no idea if it was just coincidence, as I didn't wish any evil on him at all.

I wonder if you could write it in your own language and then we will see about translating it ourselves. For me it is hard to fully understand what this is about.

I went through an experience where I was hit by a burst of energy (don't know how else to put it) and while that was happening, the way time flowed changed for me for a while, in the way that it was flowing way slower, and I could notice things that normally one would perceive as instant, just slowly transition. e.g. the clock on the computer screen changes instantly, right. Well, I could see the transition slowly changing from one minute to the next, like the pixels actually transitioning. Seems insane, but it was real. Time, it seems, is not the constant we believe it is.

I guess both in my case and in your case, it's one of those things, that who knows when/how we would get an understanding of what was going on...

Jenn!@## H@!#$ You have no idea how much it means reminding me that we have a firm promise that no matter how much we mess up, or what not, the Creator (and our higher self?) won't allow us to go through more than we can bear.

"No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it."

Jenn!@## H@!#$ I posted that just to show that we can overcome our past traumas. In my case, Torah/Bible had a huge part, that's why I keep on bringing it up, because I see it works in my case.

I was not in the services of US at the time. At least not directly. Practically I probably was, without even realizing it.