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Continued....I began praying asking begging pleading for help to remove these thoughts. The voice inside me (God) said Forgive him. I was like how though. How can I do that? Then I hear Forgive him. So I was like please help to forgive him. Then I said I forgive him not for him but for me. All that pain lifted from me like omg it was overwhelming. I came to realize that he would have that control over me as long as I Continued to hate him. God says to hand all that over to him. The devil wants us to fail so what better way than to keep ugly hate in our hearts because it only leads further to his level. I was set free just by forgiving the man who murdered my mom.

I totally understand your point and I can relate on so many levels. I don't have the answers to your questions but I would like to give you my opinion from my own experience of forgiveness. My mom was murdered by her boyfriend in 2020, 1 week and a half sfter my birthday. She was recovering from an emergency backsurgery that he caused as well as the total blindness he caused. She was unable to fight back that last fight. He left her there dead for 12 hours. All those details then the results from the autopsy (too graphic) all those things brought on this deep bitter hate towards him. I was suffering night after night with terrible nightmares. Then all day everyday it was like I was seeing her reaching out to me then I began having horrific and intrusive thoughts. To get to the point. He only got 20 years. This was so painful. In court he had the nerve to put blame on his addiction to alcohol. All of this cause me to have a nervous breakdown. I couldn't shake it. I dropped to my knees

Daniel I have had those same occurrences happen to me countless times. The only differences for me was that I was awake because it would happen when I would have just gotten laid down in the bed. Then suddenly I would have a ringing in both ears then I would see a tall dark shadow that was darker than even the darkness of the room (if that makes sense). It had a very distinctive hat but you couldn't see it's face or anything else. Anyways it would be slowly coming towards to so of course I am like what the what and try to jump up but I couldn't move anything except my eyes were the only thing. I could look all around the room but I couldn't move, I couldn't scream, nothing. Over the years, according to my mom one night back in my early 30s, I was finally able to let out a strange grunting or moaning sound from trying so so hard to scream for her help. I only see the shadow figure in the first years of experiencing these occurrences.